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Column
Tim
Thomas
The Jackson Herald
July 5, 2000
 The shortcut game
Husbands, do you have one of those habits that really annoys
your wife? Of course you do. It's a qualification for the job.
I seem to remember having to check a box on the marriage license
application indicating that I did indeed have a habit that would
annoy my bride (actually, I have about 12, but we'll save that
for another column).
One habit that is of particular annoyance to my wife is my propensity
to look for shortcuts while driving. One might think I'd learn
after the first dozen or so misadventures, but that's another
box on the marriage license lack of ability to learn anything
from spousal conflicts.
Mountain fishing trips provide the best opportunity to find new
shortcuts. On one such trip a few years ago with a coworker and
his son, I sat in the navigator's seat and guided us to the Chattahoochee
River above Helen. I'd been there already probably two dozen
times, but of course, there had to be a shorter way. Off we went,
the coworker driving and me acting as if I'd been this route
before. If he'd known I hadn't, he probably would have turned
around and gone back home.
About 25 minutes into the trip, I started to get worried. I had
no clue where we were. The internal compass said we were headed
in the right direction, but big old Yonah Mountain was nowhere
to be seen.
Just when I'd almost given up, we rounded a curve, and there
was the familiar peak right in front of us. At the water, my
watch told me we'd cut more than 10 minutes off my previous best
time. I beamed with pride, though the fish made sure that was
short-lived.
Once on the way back from Cleveland, I made the fateful decision
to try a new route back home against my imploring wife's
wishes. Once again, about 25 minutes into the journey, things
were not looking good. But this tale has a happy ending too,
right?
Wrong. After 35 minutes of driving along a back road, we found
ourselves in you guessed it Cleveland. Fortunately
for me, Leigh Ann's sense of humor overruled her temper that
day.
By the way, fellow Mainstreet Newspaper employee Sharon Hogan
informed me this week that this desire for shortcuts is not unique
to men. Evidently, Sharon has graced husband Ricky with a few
shortcuts of her own.
So the next time you're out driving with the spouse, take a turn
down that lonely side road you've never driven. Who knows, you
might just save yourself some time.
Then again, you might just provide your spouse with a good laugh.
***
Special thanks this week to Jackson County girls' basketball
coach Annette Watts and all the Lady Panthers coaches and players
for a very special gift.
Tim Thomas is a reporter for The Jackson Herald.
Letter To
The Editor
The Jackson Herald
July 5, 2000
Says kudzu should
be cleared
Dear Editor:
We have lived in Jefferson for the past 12 years. We live on
Oak Avenue near Martin Luther King Jr. Avenue. The lot next to
us is vacant and filled with kudzu.
We would like to thank Georgia Power for coming by last week
and Bushhogging a portion of the vacant lot. Now you can see
the railroad crossing sign and the stop sign at the end of the
street. Whoever the person was did an excellent job.
The city of Jefferson has not done anything to deal with this
problem since we have lived here. We have seen the kudzu grown
out into the middle of the street and up over the stop sign.
If the city doesn't have the equipment to take care of the situation,
they can do like we have always done and get out the old sling
blade and Round Up and use a little hard work to keep the street
clear. If we had not worked so hard at keeping the kudzu back
from our yard and off the bank near our driveway, we could not
see to pull out into the street.
We think the city should try a little harder to take care of
its roadsides. The mayor and city council re-opened our road
to through traffic after all of the residents opposed the re-opening.
The least they can do is keep the kudzu out of the street!
Sincerely, Mikki Clark and Opal Tate, Oak Avenue, Jefferson
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Column
By
Adam Fouche
The Jackson Herald
July 5, 2000
I tried to play
golf at Jekyll
I don't play golf.
In fact, I possess as much golf talent as Mike Tyson possesses
good social skills.
But last weekend I bagged up all of my one game worth of experience
and walked onto the Oleander golf course in Jekyll Island with
co-worker Zach Mitcham and former co-worker Bert Brantley. We
were actually on the island for the Georgia Press Association's
newspaper awards, but we had all day Saturday to find the best
way to thoroughly embarrass ourselves.
So I headed off to the course that day with high hopes and a
brave heart. I knew it would take every bit of my concentration
and skill to even be sort of bad.
First thing, we got to the clubhouse and began making our payment
arrangements, which, for me, entailed signing over the title
to my car. Then I was beat down for wearing cut-off shorts, which
I, being the avid golfer that I am, failed to realize was against
the rules.
Next, Bert and I got a golf cart and Zach got his own cart, and
we took off to hole one.
I didn't do too hot on holes one through two, but they were excusable
because they were my "warm-up" holes. (As it turns
out, every hole was my "warm-up" hole.)
I missed a putt for par on hole three. Then, I missed it again
before finally sinking it for a double bogey.
After hole four, I began making friends with two people we met
at the course, Sand and Water.
I shook hands with Sand on several occasions. After I finally
figured out how to use my sand wedge, I did all right in the
traps. I also started carrying around a rake in my golf bag,
after I learned I was really supposed to use the rake. I really
thought they were lying around because the people working there
forget to put them up.
After nine holes, we headed over to the clubhouse to let a couple
of angry people behind us play through. I treated myself to a
banana and a Coke, because I deserved it.
Then, we headed back out and I caught up with Water. Water didn't
treat me as hospitably as Sand did. Just when I thought I was
doing good, Water would creep out from around a tree, snatch
my ball and snicker at me with his friends. I don't too much
care for Water.
Then, there's the dead golf cart.
On about hole 10, the cart Bert and I were riding in began going
real slow. Both of us had to stick one foot out the side of the
cart and push a little to help it along the fairway and the wooded
areas my ball seemed to be attracted to.
By hole 14, the cart had given out completely. We finally had
to hook our cart to Zach's and get him to pull us around. His
cart was able to tow us around faster than our cart ran by itself
when we first started.
As we worked our way around to hole 16 or 17, we came across
two deer eating alongside the cart path. We studied them briefly
until I caught sight of some object lying on the path. It was
an alligator.
I got out of the cart and approached it, but it didn't seem to
like me too much. The gator turned away from me and crept near
the deer. We all thought it was about to attack the deer like
on some of those cool shows on the Discovery channel.
But he just went around the deer uneventfully. We tossed a couple
of crackers at the gator, but he wouldn't eat them. Alligators
must not like peanut butter crackers. I don't think deer do either.
We finally left the wildlife and went on to finish the course.
I had a lot of fun playing golf Saturday, even though I didn't
do very well. I'm not ready to give up on myself just yet. I
think I have a lot of talent, and I surely can't do any worse
than I've already done.
I'm always open for advice on how to improve my game, so give
me a call if you can help.
In the meantime, I'll be hanging out in the clubhouse, trying
to get the title to my car back.
Adam Fouche is a reporter for MainStreet Newspapers.
Letter To
The Editor
The Jackson Herald
July 5, 2000
Offers thanks
to JABA
Dear Editor:
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the Jefferson
Area Business Association for allowing Jefferson Little League
to participate in the Fourth of July celebration on the square.
As a non-profit organization, we depend upon the generosity of
the local businesses and community to promote and foster growth
of sports to our youth in the character-building experience.
We are dedicated to making the Jefferson area youth recreational
programs excel and allowing all children to be able to participate,
including scholarship programs for families who might need assistance.
This event allowed us the opportunity to introduce our organization
to those who might not have been aware of the sports programs
offered by our youth in the Jefferson area. We felt our goals
were achieved and look forward to teaming up with JABA in future
events.
Sincerely, Carol Burnett, president, Jefferson Little League,
Inc.
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