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Column
Tim
Thomas
The Jackson Herald
July 12, 2000
 Jackson County's
political WWF
Does anyone know when it began, this notion of comparing a political
campaign to a race? I suppose it may have been around as long
as politics itself. But doesn't it seem a bit strange?
What if candidates actually had to race to win a position? Would
David Murphy, a.k.a. "The Pendergrass Flash", run for
sheriff? Or would he build a car for Charles Hayes? Ooh, what
about a demolition race? No, we can't do that with the current
slate of candidates for the commission chairman's post. Jerry
Waddell has decided not to run.
Better yet, why can't someone come up with a "Who wants
to run the county" board game? Is Regis available? No, we
don't want Chuck Woolery. How about Bob Barker? He kind of fits
the mold of a politician.
I recall an old (note: age-revealing illustration coming up)
television commercial that said Abraham Lincoln once wrestled
someone for the position of squad leader in the militia, or something
of that nature. What a novel idea!
What say we pit Harold "The Dealer" Fletcher, Roy "The
Grubber" Grubbs and Tommy "Quiet Man" Stephenson
against one another in a wrestling match? While we're at it,
let's make it a professional-style match. They still have the
Hard Core squared circle from Independence Weekend at Commerce
High School, don't they? Somebody get Gerald Jordan on the phone.
Outgoing commission chairman Jerry "The Man" Waddell
could officiate. Henry "Wild Man" Robinson can do play-by-play
and David "Bobo" Bohanan color commentary. And of course,
who else could man the ringside bell but Pat "The Dinger"
Bell?
One question, though: if referee Waddell slaps all the contestants
unconscious with a folding chair, does that mean he gets to stay
on as chairman? Kind of brings new meaning to the title, doesn't
it?
Oh, another question: if Mark "The Wise Man" Tolbert
doesn't like the outcome, will he charge out of the locker room
carrying a bucket of raw sewage? Watch out in the front row!
The World Wrestling Federation has a character called "The
Undertaker." Maybe Keith Whitfield and Stan Evans should
duke it out in a steel cage match for the right to be called
"The Jackson County Undertaker."
I have a feeling that if our local candidates were required to
wrestle for their posts, we'd probably need both Whitfield and
Evans to haul away the expired bodies. They could be "Mr.
Undertaker No. 1" and "Mr. Undertaker No. 2."
I hear the WWF is full of bad guys now no good guys like
Tony Atlas or Tommy Rich to cheer for. Sounds a lot like politics
to me; how many times have you said, "I don't know who to
vote for. I don't really like any of them."
Here's a serious question: if our political races were held in
a professional wrestling ring, how many registered voters would
turn out?
"Hello, Gerald? How much longer until football season?"
Tim Thomas is a reporter for The Jackson Herald.
Letter To
The Editor
The Jackson Herald
July 12, 2000
What about recycling
water?
Dear Editor:
We hear every day regarding committees meeting and after days
of discussion decide how to conserve water. Has it ever occurred
to them the possibility of recycling water?
In Houston, Texas, houses are built with an "Aerobic"
system that cleans the water and sends it back out to the yard
via a sprinkler system. On a smaller scale a faucet splitter
could be installed on the washing machine, bathroom sinks, showers
and tubs. Information could be obtained from the Agricultural
Division of UGA to determine what detergents and soaps could
and could not be used on grass, flowers and gardens. If people
were to use recycled water for outside, there should be plenty
for use on the inside.
It seems to me instead of approving subdivision after subdivision,
the BOC should prioritize items in a logical sequence. First
comes the water, and THEN comes the building.
Sincerely, Joan Ryder
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Column
By Drew
Brantley
The Commerce News
July 12, 2000
CPRD Girls Seek
2nd State Trophy
The Commerce Parks and Recreation Department
13-under girls' softball team deserves a great deal of praise.
After several of the girls were part of last year's 12-under
state championship, it is little surprise that the group finds
itself in the state tournament again this year.
If it were easy to make it to state, it wouldn't be so praiseworthy.
Everyone would do it. But not everyone makes it to state, much
less comes back with the title trophy.
The girls will begin play this week in Adel at the state tournament.
That is a long way for anyone to go. But as they are battling
for another trophy, I know Commerce will be pulling for them.
CHS SLATE TOUGHEST
The football schedule book arrived at the paper office last week.
Before I looked through the book, I knew that Commerce's football
schedule was going to be tough.
After I looked through the book, I found out it is the toughest
schedule in Class A, based on last year's records.
The Tigers' opponents had a winning percentage of .667 last year.
That list includes the Class A state runner-up and six other
playoff teams.
Commerce's total of seven playoff opponents is also best in class.
Part of that strong schedule came from being able to select seven
non-region games. But the region opponents' record is still good
for an impressive 20-12 mark. That winning percentage of .626
is easily the best in the state.
McIntosh County Academy has the toughest non-region schedule
in Class A by a bunch. Playing three games against Class A champion
Charlton County, Region 1-A champion Atkinson County and Metter,
McIntosh's opponents were all in the playoffs and compiled a
32-6 record. Its total record dipped to 63-47 after being handed
a 31-41 mark from its region foes.
Lincoln County and Buford are second and third on the overall
season schedule strength. Athens Academy is fifth. While those
three teams have more tough teams on their non-region schedule,
they all share Commerce as well.
Lincoln County has the second-highest non-region schedule, with
a .755 winning percentage. Calvary Baptist is third, with a .688
mark. Commerce is fourth with a percentage of .683. Athens Academy
rounds out the top five, with a .655.
Does all this mean anything? Well, it does show that several
teams opted to play extremely tough schedules after the Class
A regions were thinned out due to realignment.
Commerce faces seven playoff teams this year, while they saw
four the year before. With eight region playoff games, it wasn't
possible to do much better than that in 1999.
While three regions have only four teams in Class A for 2000,
the region races will not mean as much across the state. But
overall, it seems like several teams should have playoff level
intensity every week.
Drew Brantley is the sports editor for The Commerce News and
The Banks County News.
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