November 8, 2000
Tricks of the trade
These are modern times we're living in. And that means men shouldn't
be ashamed to admit they have taken on new roles. So I'm here
to announce that I intend to fly my new banner high.
In other words, as a sensitive kind of guy who is in touch with
the feelings of his stomach, I've suddenly learned that I like
Sure, I know what everyone will say - "Hey, Phil, get a
grip on yourself. That's woman's work. Go hunting or fishing
or something." But it's too late, guys; I'm in way too deep
at this point.
Actually, it all started by accident. For years, I lived in the
"Fast Food Lane." Then I got married and my wife brought
up the notion of home-cooking.
It had a familiar ring to it and through the aid of cooking hypnosis,
I was able to recall the days of my youth when I ate all my meals
at home. The memories were fond ones and I eagerly agreed to
change my ways.
Pretty soon, though, my new bride pointed out the inequity of
her doing all the cooking. I took it as a challenge. It also
occurred to me that whenever I cooked, I got to eat my favorite
So we split the cooking right down the middle. And every other
night, I would fix bacon and eggs for supper. Then my wife introduced
me to the notion of variety. It was another challenge.
Over time, I took full command of the kitchen. I even have my
own apron - a plain white one with my name embroidered on it
in big black letters. I strike quite the manly pose with my hands
on my hips and a tossed salad in front of me.
And as time has gone by, I've learned to enjoy cooking. I especially
enjoy taking on new recipes. You have to have a sharp eye for
such things if you want to be creative with bacon and eggs.
On the whole, I think I do a pretty good job. And I've learned
a few tricks of the trade. The best one, of course, is learning
that there are very few mistakes that can't be corrected with
In fact, I find that I use the black stuff so frequently that
I have to order it in bulk. I get nervous just thinking about
coming up short.
As a bonus, I've discovered that using about half a bottle of
Worcestershire per meal keeps a man feeling regular. And being
regular is important.
I think my wife really appreciates my tireless efforts in the
kitchen. But lately she's volunteered to do more of the cooking.
She said something about a little bit of Worcestershire sauce
going a long way.
And she's right again. I probably ought to lay off my favorite
seasoning a little. I told her I'd try some A-1 Sauce instead.
Or maybe even some Tabasco sauce.
She said something in response, but I couldn't make it out. She
had the door to the bathroom closed.
Phillip Bond Sartain is a Gainesville attorney.
The Banks County News
November 8, 2000
for their service country
Banks Countians should join people across the country this week
in saying thank you to veterans for serving our country. These
men and women left the security of their homes and families to
go into unknown situations and unfamiliar territory to uphold
the ideals we all hold strong. Their dedication and patriotism
in the face of war should be a symbol to all Americans of what
this country stands for.
A special Veterans Day observation has been planned for 11 a.m.
Friday at Banks County High School. Make a point to attend and
honor our veterans. Give them a pat on the back, hug or handshake
and thank them for standing up for America in its time of need.
Don't forget the national observation of this important holiday
on Saturday and thank your friends and neighbors who are veterans.
The Banks County News
November 8, 2000
I happened across this poem I wrote back in March 1996. I thought
I'd share it with you, remembering rainy days of the past.
Rain, Rain, Go Away!
It started raining yesterday.
'Twas such a sight to see!
Raging water filled ravines,
Headin' for the Sea?
But yesterday I did not care,
For I had lots to do.
Busy with my office work
No time for feeling blue.
Of course, today, there's much to do
Like driving into town,
To meet up with a client
For an appointment I was bound.
Then after that, those errands
Which must be tended to,
And then a visit with my dentist
To fix my painful chew.
So, I was up at 6 a.,m.,,
Getting ready for the day.
And never gave a thought
To water in my way.
The car was packed with all my stuff
And I drove down the drive,
But I could not believe
What I saw before my eyes.
There in front of me
Was a wall 'bout three- feet high!
A raging, rushing torrent
Impossible to get by!
The river was not being held
Between its banks serene.
It was rushing down the driveway
Making quite a frightful scene!
Once there was a bridge to cross
The gently flowing creek
But it had disappeared
With the water's surging peak.
I drove down to the goldfish pond
To check the damage there.
But all I saw was water
And more water everywhere!
I know my pond was down there
Just where I did not know.
For the river and the spring-fed stream
Combined in a furious flow!
As for my poor goldfish,
Heaven knows where they've been washed.
Since the pond has disappeared,
They've probably been lost!
And now, I sit and wait
Hoping waters will subside,
So I can go about my day
And not get stuck inside.
Don't want to think about my fish
Being washed way out to sea,
Or all of that hard work
Which now is facing me.
As I sit and watch
The rain keeps coming down.
Thinking what I need to do
To stop this silly frown.
We all know just what they say
Concerning best-made plans.
But whether mice or men,
Check with your local weatherman!
Shar Porier is a reporter with The Banks County News.