|Letter To The Editor
Banks County News
April 18, 2001
I applaud the Banks County Chamber of Commerce and the Board
of Commissioners for their promotion of the new county flag.
Unlike the less than honorable tactics Roy Barnes and his co-conspirators
used to push the new state flag through, the Banks County officials
left it up to the people to decide. There were different designs
proposed for the new county flag and the citizens were allowed
to vote for their choice. The flag currently being considered
received the most votes. This is the way it should have been
I have followed the stories and the comments printed in The Banks
County News regarding the flag issue. A number of them have voiced
their opposition to the new county flag.
We live in a less than perfect world. there never has been and
never will be a time when all citizens of a community share the
same opinions or agree on the same issues. I believe the commissioners
and the chamber of commerce had nothing but good intentions when
the issue of the county flag was first proposed.
It's my understanding that at the last commissioners' meeting
the flag issue was tabled. It's easy to see where this is headed.
I urge the board of commissioners and the chamber of commerce
not to demonstrate the same lack of intestinal fortitude and
the obvious desire to be politically correct as others have shown
on this issue.
Don't be concerned with being politically correct. Do the right
thing. You came up with a good idea. The people voted for their
choice of flag. Now please carry through with it.
Banks County News
April 18, 2001
A bedtime story
Without a doubt, bedtime is the single most important part of
any day. You can always count on pulling back the covers as a
way to tune out all the toil and trouble of life. But even while
it is a special time, going to bed has its own demands. And that
includes a whole host of peculiar bedtime rituals.
For most people, going to bed means changing clothes first. While
it would be easier to sleep in whatever you happen to be wearing,
the resulting wrinkles would run you the risk of being arrested
for impersonating an accordion without a license.
That being the case, most people manage to get their garments
off and piled up in the middle of the floor before retiring for
the evening. Once undressed, men and women are strictly segregated,
thus allowing each species to complete their bedtime rituals
in equally bizarre fashion.
Women spend a lot of time removing their makeup before bed. In
fact, they spend more time taking it off than they did putting
it on in the morning. That's probably because they usually put
their makeup on in the car while going 70 miles an hour down
On the other hand, men have no makeup to take off, so they sit
on the edge of the bed in front of the television watching a
rerun of "Gilligan's Island" while taking an inventory
of their toenails. If there's any gross buildup beneath the nails,
bedtime is a good time to clean it out and toss it under the
Once the makeup and nail cheese areremoved, women proceed to
the hair-brushing phase while men enter the tooth-brushing phase.
Though both activities are similar, nothing could be more different.
The average man stands in front of the mirror and lathers his
mouth to a rabid-like froth so that it drips over his chin, off
his belly and into the sink. And all the while, he's thinking
how stupid it is to brush your hair to go to bed where you're
only going to mess it up again.
On the other hand, with each stroke of her brush, the woman is
wondering how she could have married a drooling ape in the first
After the brushing is completed, men like to rub their chins
to test the five o'clock shadow, hoping against hope that shaving
won't be necessary in the morning. While they're at it, they
go ahead and see how loud they can belch without throwing up.
Most women don't hear the burping because they have gone to the
laundry room to take their stockings out of the washer. The leggings
are then hung in military formation over the shower rod, the
vanity, the doorway and the medicine chest to dry. The bathroom
is then safe and sheer.
Meeting up in the bedroom again, both parties continue the rituals
by taking inventory of their respective nightstands. Lamp working?
Check. Tissue in place? Check. Glass of water at bedside? Check.
Reading material? Check. Carburetor from first car ever owned
(male side only)? Check.
Actually getting in bed and getting settled in for the might
is an act that must be undertaken in accordance with the recognized
"Rules of Bedspread Negotiation" established by the
United Nations. Equal amounts of cover must be divided subject
to long-established bedspread treaties. Any disputes must be
submitted to the "Cover Council" for a vote. Peacekeeping
forces may be used if necessary.
Assuming all is well, positioning of pajamas and gowns follows.
It's like a 10-second dance in a prone position. And it's often
confused with the heebie-jeebies.
But the heebie-jeebies apply only to those people who get into
bed and must suddenly scratch every square inch of their body
at least once. When the process is completed, repositioning is
necessary, followed by an obligatory drink of water and one last
obsessive check of the alarm clock.
Finally, after all the fuss and time it takes to get situated,
the reward is realized and sleep comes slowly creeping up the
covers with a handful of sand for heavy eyelids.
At that precise moment of near blissful slumber, Mother Nature
taps on your shoulder. The trip to the bathroom is extremely
annoying, but no one seems to mind.
It's just another part of the ritual.
Phillip Bond Sartain is a Gainesville attorney.