Banks County Opinions...

April 18, 2001


Letter To The Editor

The Banks County News
April 18, 2001

Approves of proposed flag
Dear Editor:
I applaud the Banks County Chamber of Commerce and the Board of Commissioners for their promotion of the new county flag.
Unlike the less than honorable tactics Roy Barnes and his co-conspirators used to push the new state flag through, the Banks County officials left it up to the people to decide. There were different designs proposed for the new county flag and the citizens were allowed to vote for their choice. The flag currently being considered received the most votes. This is the way it should have been handled.
I have followed the stories and the comments printed in The Banks County News regarding the flag issue. A number of them have voiced their opposition to the new county flag.
We live in a less than perfect world. there never has been and never will be a time when all citizens of a community share the same opinions or agree on the same issues. I believe the commissioners and the chamber of commerce had nothing but good intentions when the issue of the county flag was first proposed.
It's my understanding that at the last commissioners' meeting the flag issue was tabled. It's easy to see where this is headed. I urge the board of commissioners and the chamber of commerce not to demonstrate the same lack of intestinal fortitude and the obvious desire to be politically correct as others have shown on this issue.
Don't be concerned with being politically correct. Do the right thing. You came up with a good idea. The people voted for their choice of flag. Now please carry through with it.
Sincerely,
Greg Fisher
Baldwin

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Column
By Phillip Sartain
The Banks County News
April 18, 2001

A bedtime story
Without a doubt, bedtime is the single most important part of any day. You can always count on pulling back the covers as a way to tune out all the toil and trouble of life. But even while it is a special time, going to bed has its own demands. And that includes a whole host of peculiar bedtime rituals.
For most people, going to bed means changing clothes first. While it would be easier to sleep in whatever you happen to be wearing, the resulting wrinkles would run you the risk of being arrested for impersonating an accordion without a license.
That being the case, most people manage to get their garments off and piled up in the middle of the floor before retiring for the evening. Once undressed, men and women are strictly segregated, thus allowing each species to complete their bedtime rituals in equally bizarre fashion.
Women spend a lot of time removing their makeup before bed. In fact, they spend more time taking it off than they did putting it on in the morning. That's probably because they usually put their makeup on in the car while going 70 miles an hour down the expressway.
On the other hand, men have no makeup to take off, so they sit on the edge of the bed in front of the television watching a rerun of "Gilligan's Island" while taking an inventory of their toenails. If there's any gross buildup beneath the nails, bedtime is a good time to clean it out and toss it under the bed.
Once the makeup and nail cheese areremoved, women proceed to the hair-brushing phase while men enter the tooth-brushing phase. Though both activities are similar, nothing could be more different.
The average man stands in front of the mirror and lathers his mouth to a rabid-like froth so that it drips over his chin, off his belly and into the sink. And all the while, he's thinking how stupid it is to brush your hair to go to bed where you're only going to mess it up again.
On the other hand, with each stroke of her brush, the woman is wondering how she could have married a drooling ape in the first place.
After the brushing is completed, men like to rub their chins to test the five o'clock shadow, hoping against hope that shaving won't be necessary in the morning. While they're at it, they go ahead and see how loud they can belch without throwing up.
Most women don't hear the burping because they have gone to the laundry room to take their stockings out of the washer. The leggings are then hung in military formation over the shower rod, the vanity, the doorway and the medicine chest to dry. The bathroom is then safe and sheer.
Meeting up in the bedroom again, both parties continue the rituals by taking inventory of their respective nightstands. Lamp working? Check. Tissue in place? Check. Glass of water at bedside? Check. Reading material? Check. Carburetor from first car ever owned (male side only)? Check.
Actually getting in bed and getting settled in for the might is an act that must be undertaken in accordance with the recognized "Rules of Bedspread Negotiation" established by the United Nations. Equal amounts of cover must be divided subject to long-established bedspread treaties. Any disputes must be submitted to the "Cover Council" for a vote. Peacekeeping forces may be used if necessary.
Assuming all is well, positioning of pajamas and gowns follows. It's like a 10-second dance in a prone position. And it's often confused with the heebie-jeebies.
But the heebie-jeebies apply only to those people who get into bed and must suddenly scratch every square inch of their body at least once. When the process is completed, repositioning is necessary, followed by an obligatory drink of water and one last obsessive check of the alarm clock.
Finally, after all the fuss and time it takes to get situated, the reward is realized and sleep comes slowly creeping up the covers with a handful of sand for heavy eyelids.
At that precise moment of near blissful slumber, Mother Nature taps on your shoulder. The trip to the bathroom is extremely annoying, but no one seems to mind.
It's just another part of the ritual.
Phillip Bond Sartain is a Gainesville attorney.


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