|Banks County Opinions...||
October 24, 2001
By Adams Fouche
The Banks County News
October 24, 2001
Cell phones don't cause wrecks, singing does
People I see out on the streets come up to me all the time. Some of them throw money and gifts at me, but most just stop and talk.
"Fouche, what exactly is wrong with you?" they ask me.
"Well, not too much. But I will tell you that I like to sing along to music while in my truck and while home alone."
That conversation never actually happened. But it is a good lead-in to today's topic-singing.
Go ahead and admit it. You all do already it don't you? Sure you do. I see you blushing all ready.
You're in your car, driving home from work, listening to your favorite cd (which for you old fogies would most likely be the Bee Gees or STYX or something antique like that).
And then the mood hits you. You check your mirrors to make sure no one is close behind and you slow down to allow a little distance from the car in front of you. You clear your throat and look around.
You always start out kind of muted, singing softly without much emotion. But as the song gets going, you get into the song. Suddenly, you're thrashing around in your seat with your head thrown back, singing at the top of your lungs. And to yourself, you sound like a true superstar with moves that would make even Brittany Spears jealous.
But to the outsider, you look like a doofus covered in honey on a beehive farm, jumping around to shake the bees off of you. And you couldn't carry a tune to save your life.
And just what in the world are you doing with your hands? You're not Phil Collins, but you think you can play the air drums better than he ever played the real thing. Undoubtedly, some of you probably move your arms out from your body and back in again, opening and closing your hands as your arms move, like all those people in dumb boy bands do.
Anyway, you're all into this singing thing and suddenly you come across a bit of traffic. Immediately, you turn the radio down and sit back up in your seat. You kind of just shyly sing out of the side of your mouth, hoping that cute girl in the car next to you is laughing at something funny on the radio.
But deep down you know she's laughing at you because you look like an idiot, especially when she realizes you're singing the theme song to "Titanic" or some crap like that.
Eventually, though, the traffic breaks up and you're back on your own again. You turn the radio up and apologize to your "audience" for the intermission.
Within minutes, you're back into the routine, imagining yourself on stage at Phillips Arena. All is fine until you realize that you were so into the "performance" that you didn't see that car slowing down in front of you. You slam on your brakes but politely bump the car anyway.
No one gets hurt but it's just bad enough to have the police come out and write up a report.
"So what happened here?" the cop asks you.
"Oh, well, I-I-I looked away from the road for a minute," you say.
The policeman just looks at you, then scribbles some notes down on the accident report. Sure, you think you've fooled him. But he knows you really wrecked because you just had to give that "encore performance."
Trust me, he's seen the same thing a million times.
Anyway, back to the point. The moral of the story is this: We don't need to put restrictions on cell phones-they aren't the real cause of wrecks. No, instead, we need to just ban those encore performances. If you're going to sing in your car, keep your show at a three-song minimum. Please, safety on the road is a must. Plus, if you were as good as you think you are, you'd have your own cd by now.
Adam Fouche is a reporter for MainStreet Newspapers. His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
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