The Madison County Journal
May 14, 2003
betraying Southern culture
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we are again being betrayed by people you would least expect to do so. The newest enemy of Southern Culture is NASCAR!
For the benefit of my younger readers, and those of you who have immigrated here in recent years, let me give you a brief history of NASCAR. During the first half of the last century, most of the South was dry. That is, the manufacture and sale of alcoholic beverages was illegal. Even when prohibition ended for the rest of the nation, it held sway throughout the South.
One of the quickest ways people in the rural South who were still devastated by reconstruction had for producing income was the manufacture and sale of illegal alcohol. I am referring to moonshine or white lightning. This product was made in small distilleries hidden away in rural areas. It was transported into the larger cities by especially modified stock cars driven by dare devils whose skills helped them outrun or avoid the law.
As more and more cities legalized alcohol and the market for moonshine declined, the drivers and their hotrods began showing up at county fairs staging races. From this beginning, NASCAR evolved.
I repeat, NASCAR is a product of the rural South, and its notorious illegal moonshine runners. It began as a way for these guys to have fun showing off their mechanical and driving ability. Today, NASCAR has gone corporate.
The only thing they value is money. For some reason, they have decided that the best way to get more money is to abandon their base and head north.
They have gone so far as to block efforts of Southern heritage groups to sponsor race cars, while donating hundreds of thousands of dollars in blackmail money to Jessie Jacksons race-baiting organizations. They are discussing the cancellation of some Southern races in order to schedule more in the North and West.
Now Little E, (Dale Earnhardt Jr.) has made disparaging remarks about anyone who supports Southern emblems. Speaking of the Confederate Flag, he told a Complex Magazine interviewer that, Anybody who is trying to show that flag is probably too ignorant to know what the hell hes doing.
Responding to a rash of criticism, refusal of stores to carry his products and the return of tickets, Earnhardt attempted to explain his statement suggesting that the flag now represents racism and hatred. His explanation only made things worse.
The only way to build an organization is to secure your base then expand from there. NASCAR is abandoning its base in search of new fans. It is likely to lose both.
Frank Gillispie is founder of The Madison County Journal. His web page can be accessed at www.mcga.net. His e-mail address is email@example.com.
By Adam Fouche
The Madison County Journal
May 14, 2003
Parents: Watch out for Oreos
The newest threat to kids these days isnt drugs. It isnt alcohol. It isnt crime or bad neighborhoods or even pornography.
No, a new monster has reared its ugly head that seeks to claim the lives of innocent children. That monster is an Oreo cookie.
Media outlets broke the news early this week that a lawyer in good ole California filed suit against Nabisco claiming that its line of Oreo cookies could kill kids
The Associated Press reports the attorney as arguing that the trans fatty acid that makes the filling creamy and the cookies crisp are too dangerous for children to eat.
The public interest lawyer has asked for a complete ban of the dangerous cookies in California. Parents, you must heed this warning immediately.
Dont worry with talking to your kids about drugs and marijuana and cigarettes. No. Those are much more minor worries for you now.
The small round pieces of cookie and cream goodness are far worse for your child than any illegal narcotic could ever be.
In fact, we need to take this thing one step farther. Instead of just Oreos, we must ban all cookies.
Get rid of chocolate and powdered sugar and brown sugar and even fake sugar too. No more donuts and no more Skittles.
Throw away your vanilla wafers and Kit-Kats. Put out the cupcakes and honey buns and Little Debbies.
We should get rid of apple pie, pecan pie, key lime pie, chicken pot pie, peach cobbler and cheesecake with cherries on top and that golden brown graham cracker crust.
No more cake and ice cream at birthday parties. Instead, serve celery and carrots without ranch dressing.
No more Easter candy or Christmas candy or Valentine candy (big savings there) or Halloween candy. Instead, pass out radishes and turnip green leaves and (ugh!) rutabagas.
Your kids dont need to taste all these delicious foods. They could kill them. And its our duty to protect children from such horrible monsters as giant, kid-eating Oreos.
While were at it, lets just ban everything, from sweet tea to Cow Tails to Fruit Roll Ups. And lets sue everybody for everything.
Only then can we make the world safer. Only then can we rid this planet of wholesome treats, replacing them with less harmful narcotics.
Please people. Im begging you. We cant let this go on any longer. We must rise up and ....
Aww, the heck with it. Im hungry. I think Ill just have some Oreos.
Adam Fouche is a reporter for MainStreet Newspapers His email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.