COLUMN: Humor from the hospital bed

Lewis Grizzard wrote a lot about funny stuff. From his views on his beloved Georgia Bulldogs to his four wives, the former newspaper columnist was a master at finding the little things in life funny — even insightful.

But the only one of his 25 books that I have read cover-to-cover — and even re-read — was his last published work, “I Took A Lickin’ and Kept on Tickin’ (and Now I Believe in Miracles).”

The book was penned after his three open-heart surgeries, which are detailed in the book. Grizzard nearly died after one of those surgeries — but once his body allowed him, he continued to keep his sharp-witted humor alive until he lost his life after a fourth heart surgery.

Grizzard was in his 30s when he underwent his first heart surgery to replace a faulty valve. My daughter, Katie, was seven days old when she endured her first heart surgery.

That’s why I picked up Grizzard’s book. For all of the pain, stress and uncertainty that extensive medical conditions can bring to patients and their families, there are some humorous moments.

And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about doctors — or, at least those people in white lab coats — is that really smart folks can say really stupid things.

Like, the doctor who couldn’t explain why my daughter was experiencing certain symptoms. I asked the doctor if those symptoms could be tied to another problem — which sounded like something Katie could have.

“Well, that can happen,” he said, while carefully selecting his words. “But, you just don’t see that in this country.”

In this country? What does that mean?

How did this discussion turn into me questioning the doctor’s geography skills and not his diagnosis? (We later figured out that particular problem, and it had nothing to do with geography in this country or any other country.)

And then, there was the recent hospital admission when I teased Katie, who is now two, about who would be coming to visit her.

It was that time in the afternoon when my husband would be arriving at the hospital to see his little girl after a long day at work. Other than the unpredictable nature of traffic on I-85, he typically arrived at the same time every evening.

“Katie, guess who’s coming?” I said with an uplifting tone in my voice. “They are going to be so excited to see you!”

And Katie — not one to overlook the obvious — said, “Nurses.”

That answer stumped me.

“Well . . .umm . . . yes, honey,” I stumbled on my words — both surprised and humored by her blunt response. “The nurses will come to see you, but your daddy is coming, too.”

Answers are the tough part of any hospital stay — some of them you like; others, you don’t. When things are going wrong and those people in the white lab coats can’t give you answers, you get frustrated.

If there are a few phrases that doctors become experts at saying, they are: “We’ll just have to wait and see,” “We’re just following her pace” and “This all depends on her.” There are variations, of course, but they say the same thing — “We just don’t know.” But, no doctor ever says it like that — “We just don’t know.”

I propose that for Katie’s next hospital admission I wear a T-shirt with one side that says, “Wait and see” and “On her own time” on the other side. Those shirts could be sold in the gift shop. Believe me, a lot of families hear those words.

That way, when a doctor starts to say those words, I can point to the shirt and remind him that I know that he doesn’t know.

But, the truth is, those words are tough to hear — especially when they are about your child. If I let my daughter see the pain and worry in my face, how would that help her? Finding humor in the little things in life — even during those tough times spent in a hospital — makes it easier.

Lewis Grizzard managed do it from his hospital bed after his heart surgeries. Katie’s third heart surgery — and a very big one at that — is next week.

I’ll do what Lewis Grizzard did – find the humor and simple pleasures in life, and ask for your prayers, too.

Kerri Testement is news editor of The Braselton News. Her e-mail address is kerri@mainstreetnews.com.